PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll
The empty factory windows stared soullessly back at Tom like the dead eyes of his cherished Margot. He hobbled into broken glass and pigeon guano, the punch cards racked as they were that last day.
He read the faded names; Barker, Binley, Blackwell and hers, Bloomfield M, above his.
They’d met here, making shoes, loved, married, made shoes and raised children making shoes.
She’d denied the gossip, but there was life to read in her bright eyes then.
Gnarled hands tore at Barker’s card, the scraps fluttered down to settle with the rat tracks and his tears in the dust.
Written for Friday Fictioneers – a 100 words story based on a photo prompt. Hosted by Rochelle. Read the other entries here.
If I’ve understood this correctly, this is a really good way of depicting betrayal. Of course, I may not have understood it correctly. Good story!
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Yes you’ve read it right Sandra. Shoe factories were people’s lives around here, now they’ve closed and everything is imported. Workers would work and play together, holiday together and so on and sometimes it would go wrong.
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Well done! Our factories are closed now too.
Once, when I worked in one, making ball caps, I saw this scenario play out.
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Thanks. I’m pleased it strikes a chord. I think in those times communities were much closer connected in all ways.
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yes, closer communities we all worked and played together.
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Nice take on the prompt. It does look like a factory, doesn’t it? I turned it into a prison for my story, but they have some similarities …
I too like the way you’ve shown betrayal in small, simple objects. Cleverly done
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Thank you very much.
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Pleasure
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Revenge without someone dead in the end is good. Very atmospheric, interesting story.
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Great piece. Your first sentence was really good, set the scene for your tale of betrayal.
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Thanks for your comment,much appreciated and valued.
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Effective descriptions, Mick. I like the way you gradually developed it until the great sad twist at the end. I read the other comments. I guess I was thinking of the closed shoe factory in the Robin Williams movie, “Jumanji”. Well written. —- Suzanne
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Thank you very much, I’m glad you liked it.
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Cleverly crafted, and well structured. I enjoyed figuring out on my own your hints at a betrayal..it made reading it quite interesting 🙂
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Thank you
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Some hurt never truly heals. Well portrayed.
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Thank you very much, glad you thought so 😊
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This played well, on so many levels, I felt it in my heart. But then I did work in a shoe factory for almost a year. There was lots of emotion there to.
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Lovely comments Mike, thanks
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Well-written tale of betrayal, bitterness and sadness. Very atmospheric!
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Thank you
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It apperas she betrayed him with Barker – what a shame.
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Well described picture of hurt and betrayal, long ago. I love the touch of tearing up the villain’s card and sprinkling it onto the filthy ground where it belongs.
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Thanks Margaret
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Dear Michael,
Vivid descriptions and emotions make this a good read.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Sad story, left me feeling sorry for the old guy. If you can do that in 100 words you have done well. 🙂
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Thanks for taking the time to comment, much appreciated.
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