Alison, planted her elbow on the table, sobbing, her hand across her lowered brow, she scoured the floor for answers discarded there.
John yearned to take her close, hold her tight and decant all her stress into himself.
He leant forward, peering under her tumbling hair, searching for words to ease her mind.
He’d kept away to make things easier but, Fate had scorned his efforts, their efforts.
Unwittingly, his hand had strayed to within a hairsbreadth of hers, across the table. Neither withdrew nor could they dare cross the final barrier. A spark now would weld them together forever.
Conscience
Chapter 11 – Deep in the Strangest Feelings
Alison sat down with a scowl. “I can’t cope with this.”
“You know my philosophy; destiny, love, we can’t alter any of it, but I’m giving you space to deny it, if you insist.” He paused.
Her eyes narrowed, “I just need you out of my head.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t control that,” John smiled, “And for that matter, neither do you.”
“So, it’s preordained?”
“It would appear so but, if you disagree, walk away.” She stood to leave. “After you’ve had your cuppa.”
Alison sat down again and heard herself saying, “I swore never to see you again.”
Chapter 10 – Always Something There to Remind Me
Thoughts of guilt and despair crashed through her mind. Radio and daytime TV offered no succour. She needed to get out. She’d take her Kindle and treat herself to a cream tea.
Idling through town, woollen hat and scarf wrapped against the cold, she found herself outside the Diner. Remembering the music, milkshakes and good times, she regretted she couldn’t enter; John might be there. Head bowed, she hurried by. The doorbell tinkled as she stepped into the café, unwinding her scarf.
John looked up from a table, “What are you doing here?”
“Avoiding the diner,” she groaned with resignation.
Chapter 9 – Love the One You’re With
Staying in bed was only saturating the pillow. Wrapping a dressing gown round her, Alison threw herself at the cleaning, not daring to stop for a cup of tea. Struggling to control her inner debate, she turned on the hoover to drown it out.
Like a mantra, she narrated the clichés her mother would spill. “The grass is rarely greener, better the devil you know; be grateful for what you have.”
But nothing would dispel the voice of love iterating, “Compromise isn’t happiness. Love doesn’t know compromise.”
“It’ll pass,” she whispered, “No texts, no calls, I won’t see him again.”
Chapter 8 – Though You Treat Me Like You Do
Stuart stared at the stale mascara streaks betraying her sleepless night.
“Whatever’s up? You look awful.”
“Nothing, just a tough night, I suppose.” She averted her eyes.
“You were late. Something happen? You didn’t fall out with your friends? I know how you lot can be sometimes.”
His depiction of her and her friends’ relationship offered a welcome chance to laugh.
“No, everything’s fine. I told you, just had a particularly scary nightmare, silly to dwell on it.”
He pulled her close, “Hugs for my Darling. Don’t you worry! You’re safe with me.”
“Yes,” she echoed, “I’m safe with you.”
Chapter 6 – Remember me in Roses
John watched her stumble down the road, her shaky hand fumble the key. He waited until the door closed behind her.
Slowly he edged his car from the kerb and coasted silently down the narrow street. He didn’t know where to go but, home would be too soon.
He drove to a park overlooking the Christmas lit town, pulled a CD wallet from beneath the passenger seat and selected, Janis Ian’s ‘Have Mercy Love.’
Crackling fireworks chattered across the sky, interspersed with resounding, robust explosions.
“When love goes boom, it’s doesn’t work, if one of you hides from the blast.”
Chapter 5 – Love is a Losing Game
photo by sandritta88
She didn’t move. He twisted in his seat. “What are you thinking?”
“Nothing.” She stared him down.
“You should go to him. Stop tormenting yourself.”
Her shoulders shook.
“Don’t cry, go to him and forget me.”
She stiffened in her seat and said tautly, “You say you love me, but we’ve never even touched.”
“Is that what you want?”
Scudding clouds of panic crossed her eyes.
“It wouldn’t be just once.”
“Why do you have to love me?”
He chuckled, “There wasn’t a short list to choose from. Love is never optional.”
Wrenching the handle, she leaped from the car.
Chapter 4 – I Saw Her Again Last Night
“You talk about love and my Stuart, but never mention Amy.”
John smiled, “We’re OK together.”
“But do you love her?”
He stared into the dashboard lights.
“Well?”
“It’s something that’s been taxing me, can you love two people? Are there degrees of love?”
She looked at him with consternation, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Love drops on you. Suddenly you’re consumed. So what was it before? A lower level of love?”
Alison caught her breath, “And what you have isn’t enough anymore?”
“How can it be?”
“Stuart’s a fine man, he doesn’t deserve this.”
“Does that make him enough?”
Chapter 3 – Time is on my Side
“You could have called him to fetch you.”
He turned the ignition, The Stones blared from the radio.
“He’s probably in bed.” She left the excuse in the air, he didn’t question why that would be a problem.
“You don’t mind do you? It’s on your way.”
“I’m happy doing anything for you,” he smiled.
“Don’t…” She turned her face to the window as though suddenly finding the terraced housing infinitely interesting.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. He pulled up short of her house.
“Why did you come?”
“I don’t know,” she sobbed, “I shouldn’t have.”
Michael Wynn 