First of all apologies to everyone for not commenting last week, I was abroad in one of those foreign countries without the equipment to do so, I shall make amends this week. Below is my offering for this week, I know what I was trying to do but I’m not sure I achieved it, so be as constructive or brutal as you feel appropriate.
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Blazered children gather in playgrounds like rattling rooks milling against a pale sky before tumbling to warming fields of emergent worms and leather-jackets.
A short-trousered season of raw knees and mucky hands grows from eggs and pencils; vibrating hedgerows glow with nascent green, classrooms gleam with new term paint.
Buds unfurl along the lane trudged with jam jars on strings, full of fizzing tadpoles.
Armed with whittled sticks for hunting and fishing, pens and rulers for Miss Bryan who scolds like the woodpecker at the chatter, children throng to school, pink-tinged skeins glide into feeding grounds; the world starts again.
Written for Friday Fictioneers – a 100 words story based on a photo prompt. Hosted by Rochelle. Read the other entries here
Michael Wynn 
I got the idea of Spring and youth. There may be too heavy a layering of metaphors for 100 words to sustain but I did love the short-trousered season and the fizzing tadpoles
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I like all the layers of metaphors. So many of them made me smile.
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Thank-you, I tried to wrap together the new life and beginnings, of nature and children starting out on life.For me it’s still a bit of a curate’s egg.
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Thanks Neil. Your point of too much for 100 words is really valid and made me think about something I’d not considered before, pacing and content needs as much attention over 100 words as in something longer. Thanks.
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My pleasure
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Love all the thick description; I got such rich pungent imagery from it. The only part that thew me was the skeins and the feeding grounds toward the end – what did you mean by that?
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I’m pleased you like it, it’s quite a nostalgic image for me. The skeins threw several people and I’ll need to change it. I was thinking of Pink Footed geese returning in their skeins, that’s the formations they fly in, to the spring feeding grounds and trying to liken it to children returning to school for a new, exciting term. (I recognise some children wouldn’t see it that way.)
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Ah, I’d never heard that use of skeins, interesting. I only know it as skeins of yarn. Makes more sense now.
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Brings back some memories, nice!
I was thrown by the “skein” bit as well, but after I Googled it I discovered it’s also to do with a formation of geese or swans (I was trying to get coils of thread to work in the analogy, which was the only definition I was aware of!).
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Yeah, the skeins have been the problem part in this. It was a nostalgic piece, so glad it brought back memories for you
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The Miss Bryan I knew sounded like a coven of crows, but she had eyes like a hawk.
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Yeah Miss Bryan has a job on her hands controlling excitable children returning for a new term. She’s not to be messed with.
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“Blazered children.” Love.
And anytime anyone anywhere writes rooks, I’m happy.
“New term paint” More love.
I could go on, but you get the idea. Lovely piece, Michael Wynn.
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Thanks for all the “love” Glad you enjoyed it.
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I read it twice; the second time just savouring it. I enjoyed it very much.
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Thanks Dale, I’m glad it worked on that level for you
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I like the woodpecker scolding as a teacher. I imagined a ruler tapping on the desk.
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Whenever I hear a Green woodpecker it always brings to mind like a woman scolding her husband or children. See what you think next time you hear one.
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IDK if I know what a GREEN woodpecker is! Hmmm…will have to google that one!
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Sorry Dawn, they’re quite common here, but you perhaps could google their call.
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I will. Thanks for the reminder.
Where is here? btw
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Hi Dawn, here is Northamptonshire, central England. There’s a green woodpecker that inhabits my allotment and makes a great fuss if I disturb him early in the morning.
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LOL…sorry…thanks for the info 🙂
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Dear Michael,
The only word that threw me was ‘skeins’ which makes me think of yarn. Aside from that I really enjoyed the metaphors and colorful descriptions.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle, skeins has thrown most, it’s the formation geese fly in. I was trying to liken their arrival back at the feeding grounds to children returning to school.
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I enjoyed this a lot despite having a hard time with it as a non native speaker. 🙂 All these little scenes and images come together and shape renewal.
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Thank-you. Native speaker or not you got what I was trying to express, i.e. renewal so thanks again
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This piece of writing simply explodes with energy. It makes me want to run into the fields, raise my hands to sky, and shout with glee. It also makes me want to be young again, although I could do without the scolding of teachers. …Woodpecker! I love that.
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Thanks, your comment makes me want to do the same. That’s really nice of you to say so.
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This brought back childhood memories of scooping tadpoles and baby catfish, frogs, and turtles out of the lake down the street from my family home. (I wonder now how much life we destroyed in our youth!) But, oh we had fun. The skeins – have never heard that term before – also tripped me up. Somehow I related them back to the emergent worms. After your explanation, it made sense. Your work is full of sights and sounds (scolds like the woodpecker – love it) and great memories. Nicely done.
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Thanks that’s a lovely and considered comment. I’m glad it brought back memories, in many ways it was supposed to be nostalgic
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it’s a beauty. more poetic than the usual you.
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Thank you, glad you liked it. It is more poetic I suppose but I like to experiment to get everyone’s opinions and fathom what works and what doesn’t
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Every thing worked for me, skeins included. You took me back to early days at my senior school. Although english is a universal language, I find some words only work for some readers; but I think that it is important to be true to what is right for you. Otherwise our language and writing would be to uniform.
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I think you’re right Michael and that’s part of the reason for reading foreign books, the different words you learn from a Steinbeck or Marquez or even an Irish author make it all more exotic and rich.
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In the US, our school terms start in the fall, not the spring, but this story did make me realize that spring does seem to be an appropriate time to start a new school year.
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In a sense it’s just about new beginnings so they could start any time. Our school year starts in September too so I’ve used a bit of licence here and mixed things up.
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I rather enjoyed the uncanny imagery, in particular the “fields of emergent worms and leather-jackets”.
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Thank-you, I’m pleased you liked it and it’s nice hearing which different bits different people liked
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What a lovely piece of youth and spring… I can hear the joy of babbling brooks.
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Thank-you Bjorn, that’s very kind of you to say so
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Those early first days… such excitement
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Thanks Laurie
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Some beautiful images in this. Particularly loved “blazered children” and the woodpecker-like teacher. It reads almost like a wants-to-be-a-poem…. Could it be?
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Thank-you. I think a prose poem at least. I think I will try putting it into a poem shape and see what happens
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Lovely. Spring, or coming of age. Either way – lovely (again).
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Thank you Patrick, I’m glad you thought so
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I loved the metaphors and like many others, was unfamiliar with ‘skeins’, but I like it when someone includes a word I have to look up!
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It does seem as though Skeins has been the trip word but, I think you’re right, it’s nice when the writing stretches with unfamiliar words. I find it happening when reading American or South American literature. Some of the food, plants, birds and animals for example have different names even when they’re not different species
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Very vivid Michael. Some lovely metaphors and I feel you really remember what it was like, loping back to school for spring term, that mix of dragging yourself to school and loving the outdoors. I get Neil’s point about using a lot of metaphors in a short piece, but still think everyone of these works very well. Could see a longer nostalgia piece coming out of it
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Thanks Lynn, I thought Neil’s comment very valid and it made me think about the construction of 100 word pieces in a way I hadn’t before
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It’s a tricky length and hard to judge what can be included and what can’t, what stories are suitable and what aren’t. All that’s possible is a snapshot, really. I do love your metaphors in this though – perhaps in a longer piece? Would enjoy reading that 🙂
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Thanks, I’ll certainly keep them for inclusion where appropriate
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🙂
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This was very beautiful, I like how the words flow effortlessly and create a beautiful picture.
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Thank-you, I’m glad it worked on that level which is what I wanted but, there’s always the worry it hasn’t until someone tells you
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What can I say. I have copy pasted your piece for future perusal. A feast of great metaphors. You made school days come alive, man. Great work.
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Thanks Neel, that’s a lovely compliment
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